Saturday, July 5, 2008

Welcome to my blog, I hate Rivers Cumo; A Rope of Sand

As of tonight i've tried, unsuccessfully, reading and playing music. I gave up on those and decided i would give writing a try.

I've determined after quite a bit of thought that i need another blog. I've been reading so much lately that i feel i may be a better writer than i had been six months ago. Sooooooo.....

Here we are. This is my blog. A few rules if you are making the tough decision to embark into the mind of Matt Milstead.

1. I will piss you off eventually, so be prepared.

Thats about it, just thought you should be ready for that day, and yes i do realize the grammatical error of me writing, "a few rules" and there only being one. All apart of the humor, try and keep up.

I've tried starting this blog five or six times already. With this being my first publicized entry, I'm trying to determine what kind of mood to set for the rest of the blogs i post. I like to laugh, but i can't write funny. I learned that at the age of 17 when trying out a career as a stand up comic. My only good joke was, "My names Matt and I want to be a stand up comedian. (then when the audience doesn't laugh i would say) Hmm, that joke goes over really well when i tell my girlfriends parents" One word LAME. I could be serious but i don't want to be too emo for my own good. And i would like to have people want to come back and read my blog, not slit their wrists after reading. (note to self: add emo to my computer's dictionary, so as to not get that red squiggly line)(done) Or, I could just give shout outs to people i know, or bands that influenced me, oh wait Rivers Cumo already did that on his new album. And.......i think we have our blog subject.

Welcome to my Blog, I Hate Rivers Cumo:

I was driving home from church one night, and just so happened to switch the radio station from my regular, classical radio station, to the "alternative rock" station that Dallas offers. (by the way i use quotations on the words "alternative rock" because Dallas radio sucks, and the only reason they call it alternative rock, is because it's the only rock station around so you have no other alternative) I just so happen to switch it right in time to hear the new Weezer track "Pork and Beans", along with an interesting introduction about the song.

Heres what the introduction said: (by the way i'm paraphrasing) Rivers Cumo was asked by his record company to write a song that was catchy and would sell really well. In response to that he wrote the song "Pork and Beans". The chorus is as follows:

I'mma do the things
That I wanna do
I ain't got a thing
To prove to you
I'll eat my candy
With the pork and beans
Excuse my manners
If I make a scene
I ain't gonna wear
The clothes that you like
I'm finally dandy
With the me inside
One look in the mirror
And I'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot
About what you think

So he wrote a song about not wanting to do what they want, yet he did exactly what they wanted. Way to go dude, way to stick it to them by writing an incredibly poppy song about not selling out, and yet you sold out to do it. If you really wanted to stick it to the record executives why didn't you just release the album for download yourself, like Radiohead did. They practically gave their album away, and all the money went straight to them. Not to mention they were one of the top five albums on the Billboard music charts for several weeks running.

Now i will admit, when i first heard this song i liked it, it sounded like something off of the Blue Album, and it gave me unnecessarily high hopes for the newer Red Album. So, i downloaded it, and man was i pissed. I got suckered into getting another crappy album by Weezer. Damn you Rivers Cumo!

I should have known. I haven't heard anything good from Weezer in over 10 years, why would i expect anything different. I think deep down inside i love the Blue Album and Pinkerton so much that i just hoped that he would have lost everything he learned from Harvard and his voice lessons, and brought it back to the classic Weezer sound.

If you need an example of why this album should be burned and never spoken of again, listen to track two, "The Greatest Man That Ever Lived (Variations on a Shaker Hymn)." This would be a great track if it wasn't so big-headed, self centered and had a crappy rap at the beginning. Honestly i'm thinking about editing the rap out of the beginning and sending it to Rivers with a letter that says, this is how it should sound, jackass.

There was a large part of me that knew that this was going to be another vomit-inducing album, so thats why i just downloaded it off the interweb. I never actually paid for it, and am very happy i didn't. Rivers Cumo is the reason that downloading music should not be illegal. I only want to pay for albums that are good. So thanks Rivers, i will never buy another Weezer album as long as i live. And by the way, shave your mustache you look like a douche.

4 comments:

ju said...

for the record, this is one of the best blog entries i've ever read.

and i've read a lot of blog entries in my day. keep up the good work.

Unknown said...

dear mattie:

i can't believe you'd bite the hand that has fed you inspirationally and filled out many of your acoustic sets.
:)
and by the way- don't grow that mustache, you'll look like a douche.

love,
john

Erica said...

Weezer breaks my heart. I too keep waiting for a return to greatness only to be like...pork and bean..what the...Holy crap- Did you just say HOOT? Did I just hear a grown male say I don't give a hoot? The humanity.

Kristen said...

Apparently writing the "Anti-Song" works well for a lot of bands. For instance... Harder to Breathe by Maroon 5. They were told to write one last song for their album that would "sell". They were pissed and came up with that song. Also, Sarah Bareilles. Her producers told her to write a "love song" to go on her album. Hence, I'm not gonna write you a love song. Genius. I think you should take this approach to your blog as well.